A Simplicity Lost

When it boils down to it I'm just a country guy. Sure, I indulge in the glitz and glamour cities have to offer, sometimes to excess, but I much prefer a take it easy mentality. A place where life occurs at a pace you don't even have to take a moment to process why it came about because it took so long to unravel. And while I love the 'Big Dumpling' (Beijing), I yearn for the days as one of the few foreigners in a small, provincial Chinese village. Specifically, I yearn for the ease in selection of a place to dine.

Beijing easily has the best food of any place I have lived in my life. It is not even a competition. That said, it is also home to some of the most deplorable food known to man. One wrong turn, one slip up in decision making and you will find yourself sitting on the porcelain throne wondering just how clean the restaurant you ate at was and looking through your "work" to formulate a guess at what the fare that put you in this state might have been.

And while rural China also has its fair share of sub-standard eateries, in many cases borderline cess-pools, it has a simple formula to choose fine dining that an international city like Beijing, with its stars ratings, glitz, and glamour, just doesn't offer. This formula is the Foreign Photo rating system.

When a six foot 5 inch white guy from America goes for a walk in rural China to choose a place to eat IT IS AN EVENT!!! You get 'helloed' every 20 seconds, constant stares, people yelling LaoWai (foreigner) the moment they see you, children grabbing your pants to see if you are real, and on and on...

It can be overwhelming at times, which is why when you get into a restaurant you feel as if you can claim sanctuary and begin to let down your guard. You can not. The first time I went to a restaurant by myself I was accosted by the staff as soon as I entered. The reason: I was the first foreigner EVER in their restaurant and they wanted to take a picture with me. I was only too happy to oblige and was rewarded with one of the finest dining experiences for the effort. Soooooo good, in fact, that it warranted a return trip. The next time I went back, a mere day later, I noticed that my picture from the previous day was now proudly hanging on the wall behind the counter. At first I saw this, and still do see it, as pure comedy and wrongly thought it to be a rare occasion, a singular East meets West moment. As the days in rural China piled up and I visited more eateries, I noticed that there were pictures of other foreigners on the wall in other places too. Some restaurants had several.

I continued to laugh the event off with a slight head nod until one day the brilliance of it all hit me. These pictures were a roadmap of where to eat. The foreigners previous to me, in their infinite knowledge, had left their mark on my small little town, lighting the way to the best places to dine in town with a click and smile. Much like the star system, one picture on the wall assures you a quality meal and the occasional amazing meal. Two pictures or more, and well...bring on the orgasm in your mouth.

I yearn for the day of easy mouth ecstasy.